Yes, Another Marriage Topic… Sosueme!
I was just reminded of the issue whilst chatting to a good friend (wink wink). I learnt of it a while ago, but completely forgot to blog about it. Anyway…
For those of you who have had to endure the annoyance that is your typical rishta, this custom may make your life a little easier, insha’Allah.
Now, how we do it in my community, is that after some initial discussion between parents and go-betweens over the phone, the guy and his family comes round to visit the girl and her family. After munching on samosas and tea for anywhere between 10 minutes to an hour, the girl and the guy usually get to spend some time with one another to ask questions. Depending on the family and their customs, they may sit alone in an open part of the house, or sit in the corner while their family pretends not to listen in.
After this ‘interview’ period, the guy goes back to his family, there may be some more samosa munching, but usually the boy’s family goes home soon after.
What follows is usually an agonising wait while the guy’s family makes their decision. It might be a day. It might be a week. They may never respond (yes, it happens! How rude?). True, it is only agonising if the girl is actually interested… else, who cares, right? Anyway, this whole waiting period usually results in unnecessary stress for the girl’s family, which may lead to squabbling and other unpleasantness.
But, there is another way, my friends. I have a Bengali friend whose family seems to totally have this whole rishta thing down. I love their system, and want to propagate it among my own community. But I know they’ll never listen to me… but maybe you guys have more influence, so who knows?
It’s quite simple really. After the initial rishta meeting has ended, the guy’s family leaves something behind to indicate their level of interest:
1) If they’re very interested, and want to move forward, they will leave jewellery for the girl, and money for the family.
2) If they’re like: “hmm, maybe”, they may leave a token amount of money.
3) If it is a case of “thanks, but no”, they don’t leave anything.
Now, tell me: how cool is that? I was so impressed when my friend shared this information with me. Imagine, all that nervous nail biting, stress and annoyance is thrown out the window. This system ROCKS!
So, everyone, start using it… maybe my community will catch on eventually. Maybe I won’t benefit personally, but my children might, insha’Allah. If I have a son, I am remembering this. Why put another family through something I hated myself?
Does your community have any similar time-saving conventions? Please share! I am determined to save others the stress I have had to endure. Plus, I know I have caused others stress too… so I’d like to make up for it somehow.